MISS CINDERELLA
Name:TAN JINWEN
First cry:28TH JULY 1989
Loves: her family
Hates: those who backstab like how those kiddos does.

14 oct '07 [ WISH DADDY , ANWAR , SUNNY HAPPYBDAY ]

27th oct '07 [ CHANGING OF NUMBER , MSN & EMAIL ADD ]

7th nov '07 [ REALWORK DOING , SERVIECES IN THE SPA ]

9th nov '07 [ BUYING PRESENT FOR MUM ]

18th nov '07 [ WISHING YANA , ROSANNE , MEIFONG HAPPYBDAY ]

19th nov '07 [ RETURNING OF UNIFORM TO TOYRUS ]

24th nov '07 [ MASSAGING PROJECT @ OLD FOLKS HOME AMK ]

28th nov '07 [ ROBOTIC PROJECT , manicure doing ]

29th nov '07 [ TPS PROJECT DEADLINE - RESUMEwritting ]

30th nov '07 [ ARTS OF DIO ]

4th dec '07 [ WATCHED THE TATOOTIST MOVIE ]

5th dec '07 [ GO FOR INTERVIEW @ YVON'S AUNT'S SPA SALON ]

8th dec '07 [ ESCAPE wif CATHI , SIS , COUSIN AND FRENDS ]
9th dec '07 [ KOR's ORD , GO SWIMMING WITH DABIAN ]

15th dec '07 [ HOLIDAY MOOD ON! ]

20th dec '07 [ MAYB GOING ESCAPE WITH FELLOW NUTMATES ]

25th dec '07 [ MERRY XMAS and TOP-UP EXPIRY ]

31st dec '07 [ CELEBRATE COUNTDOWN OF 2008 WITH DABIAN ]

5th jan '07 [ CONTACT LENS ]

7th jan '07 [ SLO PROJECT DEADLINE ]

WISH , WANTS , DESPIRES

29o9o7
21o2pm



these few days , din stay at home.. hmmm is actually the most most enjoyable days out ..
hmmm. in the end , i decided to go that chalet. althought i dun feel like going at all..
sometimes thinking back . why some pple jus hate me so much when i din even tok 2 them at all.
P* and gang los.. think is their member ba.
ahhas. well. i know my attitude sucks , but check urs too (:
i would be nice if u are nice. i am an angel if give me that wings.
lols. nonsense lurhs!
early in the morning , got a call from miss soh , she told me somethings ba [ confidencial ]
thn while in train , i got a call from miss eng , telling me i was choosen to go back to sch to learn a new machine . i was excited of cos ((: thanks all teachers !!
well.. went out with jiejie and sharon oh ya and her frend , terence. that super duper quiet guy.
hmmm first day , 27o9o7 a thursday . went to vivo. actually wanted to appl for a job in giodano.
but in the end , asked us to their main office for an interview. but nvm.
mail point is , i met jiejie 2pm at white sand shopping center. i came early and well waited for some time.
hmmm.. actually sharon was wanting to join , but she sleepy , so din come lers . we went to zone x asking for a job . the auntie at the counter was very kind . i like her. so polite. but she only wan 1 person . lols.. hmmm ok lurhs.. think we will let this place to sharon as me and jiejie has got the job in vivo's toy r us. ((:
we were luckly enff (: anywyas.. we were in white sand waiting time to fly fast , as we meeting sharon at 4pm later on. so we bought bubble tea and sat some where near the mrt and chat time really flies. we were toking abt the past . jiejie's past was unlike me . all very sian de. lols. always a punching bag .
well. nvm lurhs. at least i am living better now (:
we reached vivo around 415pm. so i gave sharon a call. saying her frend was doing his hair. se tot he was only going there for a hair cut , but whu knows he went to dye it. so we hav to wait for them again. while waiting , we went to find sotong*A . tok tok tok los.
lols. then , she went to transfer my pay to me. $132 (: think now left with 100 liaos. lols!
well. hmmm..after that , we called sharon once again . still haben done , will be reaching around 7 . we were like OMG! hungry... as we promised to hav dinner tgh , we ren! went to a place , sat down and tok . letting time goes faster.. now i know , wen jiejie is hungry , she will tok alot . lols!
finally sharon reached , she keep apologising .. thn we were like its ok ok ok ok! but her frend were like very shy los. lols tok 2 him like keep erm erm erm.. lols?! no need shy what . we aint monster. wont eat u up de..
anyways , we had long john. lols i dun really like eating LJ. lols well but nvm . at least better thn nth (:
we went to arcade after that . went to watch terence play initial D 4 . lols. he quite li hai . anyways, after which , i treat each of them , play hmmm racing game. dunno what's that game also los.. ahha. i got 2nd! omg! actually constantly 1st de. dunno how come nearing to the finish line , that terence went and bang me . thn he got the 1st . agrh ): he tricked sharon also lols. funny sia them !
ok .. this is the best part . jiejie went to play time crisis again! lols. her aiming wasnt good so we asked her to stand nearer to the screen and jus put the gun there and point to the ememy. so much laughers ok! lols! i laugh till peng! lols.
hais. sad part now, we went outside and slack ! so sians los. we din want to go home de. lols. but still we hav to. anyways , we somehow saw fireworks @ sentosa.


- byebye day 1 -


@--/:--


-harlos day 2 -


okok. meeting time changed and i wasnt informed. actually tot was 12 . but jiejie overslept so she called sharon for the time changed . but i wasnt updated . so i hav to slack at cityhall mrt there de seat . ok here comes the bad part .. while wating for the time to past . here comes a ' weird malay guy , in his 30s ' . the train came and of cos pple alight and set off.. so this guy who was the alighted guy , waited for the train to set off and , knowing there wasnt any crowd anymore , came towards my direction . and sat beside me. thn i knew somethg was wrong. cos , of all the seats there , empty onces .. he jus chose to sit beside me. thn i was like quite scared . as he sat quite close to me. i was listening to my mp3 thn i saw his face faced at me and mouth was moving . so i took out my ear piece and he started

HE" ' girl , where u going ? '
ME" ' why u ask?
HE" ' jus ask '
ME" ' dunno '
HE" ' where you going? say say! '
ME" ' waiting for frend lurhs '
HE" ' thn go where ? '
i din answer .
HE" ' you now studying or working? '
ME" ' dunno '
thn shift my butt away from him a little . he moved as well.
i buay tahan . so i changed place. and he say it . he walked away.
i can tell you.. i was very very very scared by then . i even smsed sharon , asking for help lols!
my heart was pumping like hell !

ok so i went to meet them in bugis..
i was the last to reach. -.-" hahs. actually earliest .in the end..
so we decided to walk our way , sharon and her frend went to library me and jiejie went to bai shen. ok .. think after eating the sweet , i became luckier ler (: thats when i got the job ma. (:
we met sharon once again and set off to suntec.
there , jiejie went to return the card and everything to her previous de work place.
ok. done?. we went to hab our lunch (: lols.
pasta mania. it was my most horrible lunch of all. ' HAM AND SAUSSAGE BAKED RICE ITALIAN MANGO SODA ' and not forgetting jiejie's TOe-MA-TOe (:
i dun like it cos there's lot of cheese in it. and i dun like it ok!
hahas! okok. we set off to the arcade ! (: max tune time!
at first i tot it was easy los. but whu know , i cant even control the car proberly los! damn sadded with myself lurhs.. dui sharon's car de lian! agrh! even jiejie drove steadier thn me los. hahhahs.
well nvm. after that we compete in bball . i won with the score of 110 or lesser? i cant remember. lols. ok . we were so late for the interview. at first rosanne called me ad told me she got the job , i was like, hais.. no hope ler. but whu knows? we got it too ! our interview time was 1530p but we reached there 1610pm lols. so crazy . first impression gone! lols. but well the manager wasnt that angry . but he look sian sian de. lols.. ok i am starting work on tue! (: and hav to go back to sch in the morning for the lesson (: will be a tiring day ba (: so qi dai los! look forward! hehes.
ok.thn we met up with sharon again. she said she hav to go off ler. how sad rite? she hav to go for some japanese concert. and terence was going off too. so i offered him to join us and walk around since we still will be meeting in the nite. so no need so ma fan ma. hahas.. ok we walked around vivo like siao los. so bored de. wanting to meet sotong again but she din work in that shop today , another outlet. sadded! thn we kept asking terence to tok . he was like so shy lurhs. -.- after an hour or so walkin in vivo, getting boreder and boreder , we went to find meimei in ' THE CENTRAL '. she's working there now.
its been quite a long time since i last saw her. she got a new hair-do and her shape ar.. hmmm.. becoming plumber liaos los. lols. but ok lurhs.. her hair was nice (: the style jus like eelin. she was so excited seein me los. lols. she was like ' JINWEN!!!!!!! ' then jumped towards me . lols.
there , she talked to me abt her life nowadays. she's getting busier and somewhat i pity her. cos of her bf.. jus think that sometimes i hav to tok some sense into him. meimei's thinking might sometime childish and unreasonable , but she aint stupid. jus think taht after so many rain and shine , she become a little matured and starts think of others , care and love them lers. i a quite happy for her (: stay stay strong meimei. and u know what? i promised her i will go for the chalet . -.-'' sians! well. we pei her at her shop. she told me abt her life again. sometimes i really wanan he;p her , but hais.. i cant do anythg !! i hav no rites at all. and i dun wan her getting into a war again wif her guy.
we went for dinner after that , meimei da bao her food while me and jiejie stayed there and eat.
we ate nia. terence said he wanna save for later . so we jus eat los. ok , we were eating , thn he was sleeping . we finished within half an hour . thn the pple there came and cleared our dishes. and this woked him up . he was kan jiong as the person was wiping the table and he tot his drink was getting in the way , so he wanted to put the drink away , but who knows , he mis-kill, spilled his drink and kena jiejie. he was like ' omg ' i know his feelin then. lols. he quite ps after that lurhs.. we dun blame u (: anyways. we went to meet meimei again.. pei her till she end work. thn sharon came and meet us as ' durain ' rainning.
but suddenly jiejie hav the urge in wanting to sit by the river. lols.so we went down los..
there's stairs for us to sit and enjoy the view.. hmm u know what? i almost fall ok! slippers aint ur best bud! lols. hmmm we waited for meimie till she finish work ..
she came and meet us with her bf.. dun really like her bf cos like dao los.. hais.. after which , we decided to go to ' the merlion ' the view there very nice. and it made me think alot . of HIM! hais, why cant i forget him.? thn sharon keep tokin to me . thanks alot! hais.. i promise i will forget him fast.. and i will (: thanks for everyone's support.. and meimei ! mus take kares ok! anythg i will update again..
should end now (:



25o9o7
2350pm


well, all i hav to say is , dont ask me to be someone i am not!
you see . met zx and sharon today..
zx keep saying me fat and all those stupid comments..
its like. why does he say so?
cos he compares me with someone else..
and why? cos in his eyes. the perfection in his eyes is HER!
and its like to him , every girl mus be like her. no matter toking about attitute , style and what ever!
well.. tell u wat. i love who i am and who i hav been.
dun ever ask me to change to someone whu ISNT ME!
i hav my style , attitude and the way i tok.
if u hav got a comment , at least look at urself and say somethg out of ur mouth..
not only to him , but to the everyone whu said me ..
ok i accept the comments u gave. but it like, why cant i be me?
ya , m attitude stinks , i specks loud , i look and act like a lian. and so?
ya , his , her , parents dun like me , so? can i change their thinking?
yes!!! i hav to change myself to someone whu aint me..
do u like it wen u hav to ask like someone u aint , in front of them?
u like the feeling of pple whu say u are this this this and ask u to change here here here and be like her her her?
well.. let me tell u something , ACCEPT ME FOR WHU I AM , IF U CANT EVEN ACCEPT FOR WHU I HAV BEEN , THN SO BE IT . i thank you for the every effort and gifts that u gave.
and sowie i din give u one on ur bday..
u see , sometimes , its diff to be me ,
today , R suddenly came and tok 2 be saying that she was stress tat i was jealous of her..
yes i am , but not NOW!
its that . she said that i was all along jealous that she was prettier thn me . but its how i felt for some moment.. its like , i dunno what to say out of a sudden. now i think that its the luck that she's got that make pple attract to her..
i dun care abt how pple are gonna think of me ..
and db now say i neglect her..
yes i do admit that i neglected her . i am sowie!
its not i dun wanna contact u , its that i dunno how to start toking to u .. its like we aint that close as b4 ler.. there''s somewhat a gap in between. and i dunno where to start.
and nowadays i am so fed up with so many things around me , i am so stressed up already.. how am i suppose to tent to these other probs?
ok pple , jus tell me what u aint happy wif me .. jus tell me . be frank!
i wont be angry , i would be happier..
what ever it is. dun order me around . and dun ever LOOK DOWN ON ME!
hate those pple whu does that . and u know whu u are..
so get the fcuk out and say it to me straight.. !


24o9o7
1816pm


this morning , woke up wif cramps
agrh.. painess!
anywyas. was kinda happy that he sent me sms again.
but i think that wasnt him.
cos he said ' taken lunch ? '
thni was like ' you sent wrong ar? taken thanks '
he said ' no lurhs. its for you i din send wrong '
thn i say ' oh ok thanks '
next reply shocked me
' sorry i make you suffer . i hurt my ankle going for x ray '
he injured his ankle. he fell off his bed. i am kinda worried for him. should i tell him?
i said to let go . and i hate him so.
i told myself to let go and i did.
now he's back and changed my thinking..
what should i do?
i am so confused now.
but .. he din reply me again lers.
hope this is a dream.
and jus feel that wasnt him.
i am gonna send him a msg to him again.
if he does reply means it isnt him.
if he dont means its him..
hais..
why am i feeling this way again?
shitt-to!


and yes. he replied..


23o9o7
134am


today a fun fun day (:
went out with ivan , lisa , bro and mum.
well.. actually was wanting to let bro and mum tok de..
but ended up becoming their ' zhong jian ren '
hahhas.. so funny.. messenger los..
well. hais.. ok lurhs.. went to play pool. mum keep winning lurhs..
thn she say we rang her..
what the los.. lols! video update next time ok. lols.. too lazy
well. hmmm.. dunno lurhs.. sometime really jealous . cos she prettier thn me los..
wen we walk in the shopping center , she is the attention.
well hahas.. i too childish ler lurhs..
knsknskns.
well. sometimes i really think recently i having bad luck los..
no job , toyrus nv call me. thn no job los..
hais..
thn wen go out or what.. hais..
its all myfault to make mummy close the minimart los..
thn she wont feel so stressed up now..
and daddy too..
its my fault los.. i feel so guilty.. i hope i was never born to this world..
sometimes i think i am jus extra to this world..
why cant god jus give me a chance to work again?
i promise i will treasure it de.. and i reallyyy hope i can avhieve from this course.. beauty i mean.
hais.. my result is like getting from bad to worst.. and its like. i still slacking around.. this made me really very disappointed with myself. why cant i jus buck up more and get better result?
i tried so hard , yet what i got was this shit..
how useless i am..
hais..
i really hope i can be a better person from now on .. i dun wanna be a loser..
i know , once fall , stand back straight again..
i tried.. yes i did.. and i was back to square one..
god , please. i reall need this job.. i really do.
there's so much thing for me to clear.
hais..
how i wish , i jus hav 1 wish. and its enff..
i am very sad , disappointed and depressed..
the feeling is so weird..
hais..
my face , my teeth , my chin , my .....
FCUK ... i jus hate myself!
agrh


21o9o7
1333pm




yday was havving so much fun..
its the first time i felt so relieved..
lols.. dunno why wen i look at guys , they look so similar to jon..
hahas..
well...
went to vivo to interview for toy r us .
hope they call soon! i really need a job ! like very urgent los..
i very worried they wont call..
i really need to support myself.. so that my father wont get so stress up. so as m my mum.
wen i see they getting so angry and stress with all these prob , i am very stress as well..
althought i dun show. but i really am sad..
i tried jobs. but it like. a fasle hope.
i am kinda depressed los..
hais..
now my hus there so noisy...
renovating this stupid block..
so noisy.. wan sleep also diff.. so come blog los..
maple play till sian liaos..
thn now like damn sian also..
rosanne mum go work lers..
thn no one tok 2 me lers.
hahas.. she sent me poto we took yday..
was the very very first time we took poto los.!
yday went with jiejie and sharon also..
so fun los..
went to toyrus play..
dun dare to fool around.. later they dun employ us how?
lols!
so jus took poto with toys los.. sadded!
one day i will buy all those home i tell u .. lols!
hmmm jus cooked tang yuan.. and ate mummy cooked de fried rice.. damn nice ok!
althought ' or lu lu ' de.
yday went we were out , me and sharon ate lemon chicken rice. its $3.50
not bad.. but kinda sour los.
hahhas!
well. we went to arcade after that..
played pool..
hahs.. me played with jiejie. she won lurhs..
lols.. hmmm.. hahhas
i very lat hor?
hahsa.. welll...
for dinner , we went to have mac , AGAIN!
omg continuously 3 days mac mac mac!
ki siaos los!
well some videos of us in toyrus.
lols! damn funny de..
look at jiejie's .. thn sharon de is like relax los..
wen compare. u will know why i said funny!
hahas!
well.
today i look at my palm. thn i ask my mum , cos i realose my plam there's a line its called relationship line.
mine isnt straight , its broken.
so i asked how to mend it back , she asked to change my attitude , thinking and temper. and it will be ok..
it difficult for u u should know! cos , its a 100% negative thing for me los..
so diffivult jiu shi ler..
anyways.. enjoy those pic and videos (:
soooo looonggg~

lonelynessROSANNE

niteviewviaVIVO
my orlulu FIREDRICE
mum and me very first poto
me and mum in toilet















16o9o7
2259pm



well, read my previous de post , and u know i am down with luck lately ba.
i dunno why lurhs.. think is the pple i be with or lost a frend so my luck is like that..
hahas. dunno what i tokin abt lurhs..
today is the second and the last day in expo lers.
today better lurhs. time flies today .and kinda fun thn yday.
hmmm although its very tiring. my foot is like swollen?
hahahs.. feeling of swollen lurhs..
ahhas..
anyways..
i decided not to go chalet lers.. i wanna work los..
hope god give me luck wen i go for interview. cos i really need this job
sometimes i think , why is my luck so low, bcos of my bad mouth los.. smelly mouth.
well i am sick ler..
cough like siao.! hahas. well hope i die soon?
hahas..
hmmm the reason why i dun wanna go is , i find no point at all los.. its like , i am not a true frend pple! and i wont be.. dun treat me as frend. treat me like hi-bye stranger .its better this way.
hmmm. well today worked awhile with PAN-WEI-BO look-alike..
ahahas.. he damn funny los.. his chinese is like .. american-slang.. thn its like damn funny lurhs..
hais.. today worked alone for quite long .thn i was like so tiring los.. cos tht collin and the other guy go walk around giving the flyers. haiyo tell u , can die ar! so many pple ..
hahas. best part i like the most is ,
wen till the end, i asked 2 kids to help me take the flyers. i said : ' heys. help me take leis. '
they say , ' dun wan '
thn i say again ' help me lurhs .. take and throw also can. '
thn say ' dun wan du nwan ok lurhs ok lurhs.. '
they thought i was pityful. but in the end i gave them whole stack of flyers go throw sia..
ahahhas..damn funny . thank the kids! i looovvve uuuu
hahas..
kena scolded by my boss los..
dunno where u came from. say must ask the customers what they wan and if they are interested los.. thn iwas like .. i dunno los..
but i tired to be frendly-ier
and ask till i thirst like shit los! hahas
these two days earn 100+ lers. happy!!!


a good news.
a new relationship is gonna start soon (:
i love you! (:

take kare pple (:


took in toilet. im worth $1.o0 stupid -.-


15o9o7
23o5pm



well. today was the first day i worked in expo.
and you know , i almost lost a precious frend, angeline
i was kinda angry that wen ever i ask angeline a question , her reply was jus like jonathan.. meaning a fed up reply..
not only today . but also recent days.. so i vented my anger on mum..
and i din know i sent a message full of fark to angeline on accidential.
thn she was like quite angry with me.
but luckly that she wasnt angry with me anymore.
but she still act kinda weird towards me .. cos the trust is not there any more ler.. not as strong as b4 ler..
i know i've done wrong .. so sowie angeline..
i wont do that again lers..

well. there's another issue..
thats jonanthan..
well.. ok. today i mean jus only , i messaged him ' yo!! sail back ler hor? tired ma? still intend not to talk to me ar? '
no response.
few mins later
' hahas. no reaply means it all ba. dunno why you still ignoring me. treat me as frend also a no ma?happy one month ba. tc '
no response again..
and i think , i really dun hav to wait anymore ler..
its like.. hais..
i dunno either.. jus feel that its non od my business anymore ler..
i am not a frend to him either..
what's worng ? i dun understand...
if i really am so irratating.. jus say can? dun hide.
why must u treat me this way? am i really that ...
hais..
suan ler..
wait for u also a waste of time..
might as well go accept him..
fark all those message i sent u .
mushy till wanna die..
oh ya.. hate me for all u wan ba.. i dun care ler..
since u wanna do it this way, so be it ba..
i dun wanna care anymore lers.
and dun ever wish to see u again.
or hear from you.
u know what? u are a shit to my eyes..
ur attitude really makes me annoyed..
no matter whta it is.. i am not ur frend anymore ler.. and i know.
so , i dun care ler..
i know there's a girl in ur heart alrdy thats y u are treating me this way..
so nvm ba.. its ok.. since u wanna made things this way . suan ler..
anyways pple , changing my number soon. so update u again yar!
i wanna change, i demand a change!!



2 mins ago i sent this via frendster :

'jonathan,
really dunno what's wrong and what went wrong. and i dun wish to know either . cos i know its too late.. i kow wen i asked for the break up u were very angry with me. but the anger lasted so long? and i know that . i dun really worth taht place in ur heart and so so u care for me anymore lers.. ou dun even leave a msg for me . and u hardly call. if u really cared and cherish me , u wont act this way.. and now taht we are apart . thn so be it ba.. i cant do anthg rite now. cos i know ,there's no point to it. why do u hav to treat me this way? and saying u are busy all the time?. i know u are busy. but sometimes, do busy make u till it takes an hour to type and send me a message? someone whu really cared for his/her partner, dun act this way . but i think ,i came in the wrong time , so this happens.. and i know , we are not meant to be.and i said again and again that i will wait for you . but do u know , ur cold towards me , makes me really dunno should wait or not. and now i hav decided that i will wait. bt once again, u made things this way , i dunno what to say anymore. jus tell me a reason will you? why do u hav to be this way? if there's already someone in ur heart. can u jus say? or what ever the reason may b? why dun u be frank to me? why do u always hav to hide and making me feel tht i still got some hope wen u already seeing someone else?. i know i cant prefered to ur ex. and i know i am a nobody to you. all those words saying that u loved me. is that true? . do u ever loved me b4? well.. i dun care ler..for now on, please , if u hav got a girl , dun treat her like how u treated me , and i know u wont. cos i know u will cherish her.. like how i cherished u. but too bad, its a one sided love. dunno wen u will see this message . and i know after u read , i may not be able to contact u anymore.and mayb u read halfway jiu delete ler. nvm ba. at least i said what i wanna say. and yup , today is suppose to be our 1st month. but whu cares now? treat angline good. and dun ask her abt me . and i think u wont either. since u wan it this way . ok nvm. i wont waste my money and urs too , to msg each other again. still rmb u said u will bring me to all those i haben been to de places. and i think , it wont be able to come true lers.. all the best to u ba. i am done with what i hav to say. hope we wont see each other again. good luck in ur next relationship. through it all, all i hav to say is . i truely loves you . jus that u dun , so the chemical din work. so well , ha! i will be happy and wish you happy too. all the best yar. dun sms me anymore ler. i dun wanna see it . and i know uwont wan to do so either. all the sms are full of care . but seems that my care wasnt being felt , blame me for being a fool ba. and thanks for playing with my heart.and thanks for accepting my love wen u din even reall love me , and made me feel blessed wen i am really not.i thank god for me meeting you . may he bless you stranger . GOOD BYE FOREVER (:
from jinwen to you '

yup . i really need someone to brain wash my brain now.. whu can help?
hahahs.
take kare stranger jon. make it as though i NEVER knew u.
thank god for me meeting hhim and taught me a lesson.
love god..
blesses.


14o9o7
2o51pm


well . today went to sch. but kinda angry lurhs..
i reached sch the first . this nvm.. wen i called tina asking her where she was, she said bus stop reaching in 2o mins. ok thn i was like thinking ok i am safe . later go sch no need wait so long till i eat m breakfast!
but its like totally opposite ok!
i waited for her for like 40 mins?
omg.! thn shuting and sharon reached.
so sian los. i was like starving like shit ok!
but well nvm..
well today angry also that jiejie los..
she was at her bf's hus the previous nite. but i dunno why she suddenly say she sick..
dunno lurhs. and angeline also.. said was wanting to come sch today and thurs de. but ended up both day also din come..
i even morning call her this morning..
but somehow , if u din come or what please at least inform me ma..
its like. i was expecting you to turn up , but in the end , i kept callin and callin , and what i got was wait and wait , thn in the end , lost promise los..
jus like penguin like that.
left with 1month16days.
after which , if nothin really happen to us.. thn byebye to you.
its like , somehow , please think of how people really feel.
are u really that worth to wait?
i realised after miss soh talk abt some ' sense ' to me , some pple are worth the wait and some are jus plenty , wasting ur bloody time. i tell you, i hav got a limit.
dun try my patience.
if i really get fed up with you . really , try me . i wont find anyone to settle , i will
i may look like a coward and sound like one . but wen i get really serious and angry , mark my words , TRY ME!
i really tried my very best to give in all i wan. and show as much as possible..
but seems like its a wasted thing, i would rather use it on someone else.
you know , it really hurts wen u are back yet not even a message from you..
u aint caring at all. i dun feel like anyone to you . not even stranger..
yar. its worst thn a stranger.. it hurts so much..
annabel said thigs rite , i treat frends good , but in the end , what i got was NOTHING. simply NOTHING AT ALL!
and you know what , it makes me happy. cos now i know whu are my true frends..and who aint.
well. jus feel that me and angeline's relation wasnt that good anymore.
think is bcos of my relationship thingy and also . sometimes i jus annoy her..
well.. nvm lurhs.. let all be what it is..
annabel also said. cos i told her js ans xl said i pang seh them
and she said that ' one person said that , might not be true . but thinking that both pple complains abt it , meaning that somethg is wrong '
and i thought about it the previous nite.
and really , i found myself , back to square 1.
i thought i hav been a good frend . but i found out that , all this is faked out.
frends might be laughin and joking with you wen bring with u . but u will nv know what they will say behind ur back
and i sometimes felt that , someone is stabbing me behind. and i feel hurt.
but this hurt made me realised that i wasnt myself at all.
i wanna give up soon.
please dun let me fall..
stop giving me that ' stress '
or isit i am creating these invincible stress myself?
ya i think so.. i am paranoid !
shit!
i am becoming so and so stupid!
you know what . my exam for fty , i got very very low points . i got b but teacher said it was somewhat a c .. meaning that i did badly thn in class test!
she also said it was my daily report that made me to a 50% in total.. hais.
how sad lurhs...
now my father , shout and shout.. damn fed up. knns
i dunno what , i am getting more and more stress up with myself and also very upset with everythg i do and see.
why am i feeling this way?
fark those guys whu really made me feel this way . and why , why did i get so low marks in sch?
i am so disappointed..
i thought i've done better.. but its like so opposite..
i dunno why , i am really falling soon.
i cant be happy , even if i am , do u think i really am happy inside?
tml gonna wake early again.. sometimes i've been thinking , why do i feel so lonely?
i feel so stress up suddenly. and it really makes me wanna slap someone somehow..
hais.. i really wanna kill myself this moment..
i am very tired of living somehow lurhs.. very tired..
especiallY WITH YOU!
fark all those shit u said.. no matter what i say now , u will never know.. cos u NEVER CARE!
why do i act as though i really need u ar?
i am so stubborn los..
i know i am tooooooooo ugly to be with you.
ya , u handsome .. go find someone better.. gogogog!
if u really wan it this way , jus let me know lurhs..
why keep everythg to urself and i keep think and think and think what ur ans will be.
even if u see this post , i dun think u will care for me , or even hav the urge to call me..
and think ar.. read half jiu off and gets angry in the end.
so be it ba.. angry jiu angry ba..
i am really very very very tired..
after 1 mth and 16 days , thats it..
u know what , i know u hav attitude , SO DO I?
u dun even think abt me , or even care.. all ur words are a lie to me somehow..
why do u hav to say all those mushy words wen u dun mean it this way.
please. i dun like mushy stuff.
i feel very...
i really feel like bashing someone right now..
i know angeline kinda feel annoyed by me and so our frendship becomes negative lers.
mayb i am thinking too much.. but i really feel this way!!
i am super sensitive leis..
what happend to me? why am i like that , why i feel so angry now!
hais! fark all those shit lurhs..
knns.... hais.. FUCK!!!!!!
fuck all those slut too..
whu do u think u are to spread rumours around again and again like noone's business
do u think its fun?
ya .. we hav a chalet on the 9th ..
an i am not going!
if i go , its bcos miss soh wanted me to..
i dun like to see all those bloody face of urs. and i know u dun wanna see mine to, so why care?
do u think u worth my attention?
fark off ok!
its like , what happened on the way , its not ur business.
me and her , the problem lies in me aint ur business. so MYOB we will settle it myself..
and also .... u are THIRD PARTY.
u do this to me . well god will repeat and make u feel this way!
wait and see!




anyways.. today miss soh taught us eyelash perming..
kinda fun.
if anyone wanna hav their eye lash permed and not scared of a newbie helpin u perm , please call this number (: 9**4***8 jinwen-
thanks
and also.. i am in a foul mood now.. so dun disturb me if possible..
sowie mum , i din go bl post camp today , kinda tired and kinda depressed lately.
although i still joke around , laugh all i wan like normal.
but , whu cares abt how i feel?
even the closest ' person ' dun care , why should i care?
i kept looking in the mirror. and asked,
WHO IS THIS GIRL STANDING RITE INFRONT AND STARING AT ME?
the answer?
THE USELESS...
it bleed again..
and lines are coming.. so dun be shocked..
i am too stress..
can someone help?
please , i dunfeel so good. i am crying without tears..
i am a GOOD FOR NOTHING FREAK.
a simply exam yet ......
HAIS!
kill me people.. i dun wanna live......


12o9o7
2255pm


sowie din post yday. was down with flu and cough and fever of 39.o degree ok!
lols. i am fine now lurhs.. after having my mum's super powerful LIANG TEH!
lols!
hend ar. if not i will hav hav the chance to take EFC exam liaos..
anyways.. today jiejie kinda sad today los..
kept crying los.!
hais.. cos of guys again.
stupid guys! always make girls cry.
anyways.. on my way to sch in the morning in the train.. i sat beside two sleepheads!
tell u pple ar..
dun ever sit beside sleepheads!
u will be sqeezed like hell ok!
lols.. i almost kena los.!
hahas.
worst thing, on my way home taking bus..
wen i was about to board the bus, the guy step my shoes twice!
once i ignored. the second time.. kns cnnt tahan , step my show thn fell off los.. luckly he put back for me , if not i shout for sure!
kns!
anywyas.. read this..

“You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived.You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,or you can be full of the love you shared.You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.You can remember her only that she is gone,or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.Or you can do what she'd want:smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”


meaningful rite?
dabian sent me de.
hais. nowadays everyone like so stress up cos of stupid guys!
agrh!!!
so S los!
but well.
to all those turtle hiding in the shell!
mus come out and face the world soon!
guys are nothing de.
we girls mus be strong!
jia yous!


10o9o7
2259pm



well .. today had our FTY exam.
KNS los!
i know the answer , yet i put wrong..
for example the auto clave thingy , kns! the answer is uv steraliser i put auto clave.
and its the first question somemore los. kns rite?
and also there's a question , asking about the muscle de.. so irrating los.!
hais , i find the paper not so difficult . but why did i score and dis so badly?
so disappointed with myself..
and now sick lers.. cough los.. hmm think is weekend din sleep much cos of exam los..
and now preparing for HFC. actually , dun really like this subj compare to FTY. cos FTY , more interesting..
i hope i pass well.. and i really wanna hav a bringht future. i cant let my parents down as well ..
hais.. stress is also becos of ' you ' ...
hais.. what happaned to me?
why i keep sighing these few days?
and why do i still keep thinking of u?
ya.. u go sailing ler. not even tell me or wht ever los..
and the 1st to know was angeline .and yet last was me
do u ever consider me as ur gf b4?
why do u hav to treat me this way?
i said i will forget u easily , but no! i lied to myself ..
but compare to justin , he's at least better . cos he made me happier .
pple always says . first few months are HONEYMOON. and no!
for me, its a terrible dream. a NIGHTMARE.
hais. please tell me at least the reason why you are treating me this way .. i wanna noe.
its okay if u dun wanan patch . but at least , tell me ,what did i do or say, that made u ignore me this way?
jus tell me the reason and i will be satisfied.
i wil be waiting for ur anwer..
and should i wait for u to return to me?
the answer to this question , is left .. UNKNOWN.
thanks to all the peeps whu really helped me in overcoming this situation.. but i think ..
i am back at square 1 again..
stubborn , foolish me . its always like this..
i am missin you again!

i wanna be happy again..
like how i was before . i miss you trufully. but yet, seems like there's already someone in ur heart. and thats HER''
its my guessing . but ..well. if this is god 's creation , and fade made it this way , i've got nth to say ler..
thnks god .
blesses.-

[ ulter-mate loser like me ]


o9o9o7
1836pm









today woke up with some hope,
hoping that he would reply me.
cos he went out till late yday.. dunno with whu..
hope its a girl ba..
hahahas! hmmm.. mayb other girls can give and understand what he wants ba.
sowie penguin , i not understanding enff.
and dun hav to think if u should give me a chance to patch ler.
its ok.
let other girls do this job. its not i gave up on u. jus that , i think a better girl somewhere , can give you a more caring and loving partner.
i didnt do so well as ur partner , as i said , i not understanding enff.
althought its kinda pain to m heart , but it was me who wanted the break off de.
and he was kind aangry with it .. i dunno why..
mayb its that i said i will wait for him, but in the end i said to break..
hhahas. i sound so childish sia.!
cnnt tahan.
but well. he din reply nor msg me the whole day . think , this is the end of me ler.
i mus thank angeline helping me to ask..
but actually i was thinking , he likes her de , but dun dare to tell.
hmm.. cos everytime we tok , angeline name will be heard. and well..
hahas!
saying they are only kor and mei . i got nth to say ler ba.
hahas. frends says , wen one wan to be ur mei or kor or di , what eva. is that they wanna get close to you thn will go on further cases los..
but well.. up to them ba.
angeline is a good , trustable and understanding girl , who wont like her?
hahas.
well its ok.. since god made things the way it will be , i cant force it . i dun hab the rite to do so rite?
let natural take it courses. this was what justin said to be wen we broke off few years back..
ya.. i also think that way too. ' whats' urs , will always be yours, even though if u lose it on ur way, it sure will come back to u. and whats' not urs , will never come back to u nor , even if u force it , it will never be yours. '
i thank god giving me a life to live in this world , knowing different kind of pple , and going through up and downs, giving me emotion / facial expression , to show if i am happy nor sad. i thank god for giving me a healthy me (:
pple , please dun mistaken , i not christian . i am a free thinker? lols!
duno (:
well.. so , if he wanna find some one better , please do .
anyways. on friday, miss soh suddenly came to sit with us after sch , hav lunch tgh.
so she asked if we've got a bf. everyone ok!
so we answered . i thought i can siam from her.. thn she say , jinwen leis?
cos i pretented i was asleep , thn angeline called me , so i hav to wake los.. lols!
thn ask ler , i told her what happened.. thn she also advise me to break with him..
its always easy to say something , but difficult dealing with the consequences.
hais. and yes, i regretted , but what to do? i hav already apologise all i could, but he refused to help me.. and angeline too , thanks darling.. now i've got the answer lers . i should let go ,
even rosanne mum asked me to let go . and also wanted give me free brain wash session.
thanks pple , thanks for helping me , but now , its the matter of the heart. my heart says no! dun!
but what i want , my mind , tells me , jus let go ..
i a very confused now. its like , i am going through a maze. dunno which way is the way out.
its really hurtful.. and head-spinning. but , it a process of life.
i hav to understand that , not everything will lies in the way we want it to be.
and now i understand why...
anyways.. this morning i messaged him..
' morning! you mus take kare wor. tonight sailing liaos , drink more water ok. bring a jacket along , might be cold in the nite . misses '
but well . he din reply.. its ok lurhs..
at least i given all that i could , i care all that i want.. but since he dun feel anythg , thats about it ba.
its been 20 days since we met . another 8 days to our ani. but seem that , its all a lost hope ba..
and the gift? well
it will never be handed to its owner.. think i hav got an idea.. a dramatic de.
throw it into the sea.. it sure will sink. so its ok.. let it sink ba.. since he dun wan it , and i dun wanna keep it either.. the more i see it , the more i get sad and heart craking..
all i can do now is to concentrate on my studies , i wanna hav a bright future!
i dun wanna be a rag , always being used to do dirty stuff. and being control or pushed around..
i wanna hav it m way this time! i mus do it. cos if others can , i am sure i can too.
and i know i can do it!
and yup today morning , went out with family , hav break1st @ my previous house area.
thn went to compass point , go there slack / waste our time ..
thn ivan came to meet bro .
well today mum bought me a case to put my make up thingys , so sweet rite?
hehehs!
anyways. while having breakfast , bro asked if i broke up with him ler.. thn i was like , dunno lurhs.. thn suddenly they tok about justin , saying why din i treasure him bluhbluhbluh~
excuse me pple! like what i said , whats mine will always be mine ma .. rite ?hehehs!
its ok.. he's my past , now i lookin for my mr.present (:
well.. thn in the car , on our way to compass point..
bro said about rosanne mum, sayin how me and mum was related . so i said lurhs..
thn say , aiyar. ' mummy faster go hoome , i wanna tok to my princesssss~ '
so er xin. kns! still say , she gave him her number.. lols!
mum! why u so gong , giv him waste ur $$ nia!
!@#$#%$%^@# ! well nvm
mum! mus xiao xin okok?
hahhas!
hmmm... now that jonathan hav lost hope on me , thn i hav to too.
i cnnt think of him again ler.. and rest assure , i wont contact u anymore, our story ends here.
and , i hope that everthg will go fine for you.. now is the time i should really not think of these stupid stuff lers.. but anywas..
on fri, after i asked for break , he said actually he wanted to find time to ask me out de, but thn since i say break ler , so he no need to do so ler. and he said sleep at home ..
this made me cry again! kns!
and yes, he din even care what.. hahas. yup , he din look me up either.
so i guess, keepin him , dun do me good.
i really need sometime , not long , to forget him ba.
jus that , i am kinda jealous wif angeline.. for some reason..
ahahs! well.. back to work liaos!
studyy studyy studyy~
mus wake at 445 tml! omg!
sure die de!
hehes!
nvm! strvie towards my goal !
pple~
STRIVE WITH ME!

(:


this was how i looked , the whole day!

the gift , which will never be handed to its owner.


o6sept07
2236pm



hahas.. today was a great day , in school and after school (:
well only 4 pple went for efc. how jia lat rite?
me , angeline , tina and shu ting nia..
miss loke was like , sadded los..
but well the other pple din come nvm, i've learnt the skill of encounting REPORT WRITTING!
whhahahs! i am the world!
lols..
* ahem *
well , typing this with my injured left wrist.. duno what happened .. mus be while i was on my way home in bus, my head keep kena the window handle, kena my nerve and thn my hand suddenly like this lers.. dunno what happen sia.
after getting off bus ,jus like pain there, cant even move much at first.. now better ler..
hope its fine los..

its been 3 days since we last smsed, 16 days since we met and 11 more days till our first month...
keep wondering if we are still considered tgh..
somehow , chances are slim..
hais..
but well.. what to do , busy was the word that kept repeating...
what so ever!
now is the time to concentrate on m studies!
TO MY FUTURE! CHEERS!
4days.. till the exam starts!
jinwen , dun give up!
GAMBATTE!
i mus get high score! i mus prove to all those shit who looked down on me..
anyways.. here come nerd jinwen..
hair tied and bun...
whahahs!
see me in sch u jiu know lers (((:

take kare all!
love u guys!
and not u ok!

freaking off-
jinwen-


sept o1
1837pm


its been 15 days since we are tgh ler.
and it seems that we are not tgh any longer lers.
and yes , i do love him . but it seems that he is too busy for me.
and what my frends said is that , no matter how busy that person might be, if he really loves you , he will always find time to acc u.
but no! he din.
he kept saying he was busy, but what pple might say is.. it's jus an excuse.
i kept asking what i am to him. but till now , what i get was , wait wait and wait..
and now , i no longer need the answer. cos i already get what he means..
he dun love me at all.
yup , he's handsome , he can get someone better..
more understanding , more matured and prettier.
its so easy , jus find a girl , communite well and yes. tgh!
but i am too selfish ler.
i cant keep him to myself, he needs air to breathe. and i am like.. hais.
forget it. i jus think he isnt so serious with me.
i thought i really founf someone whu i will be serious with , but it seems that i dun hav the fate ba.
all i want was ur love , ur care and ur understanding. but it seems both of us dun hav that for one another.
hais.
and its been 11 days since we last met , i really miss u , but i think , u dun miss me at all.
i know i cant be as perfect as ur previous.
and i know that your heart dun even hav me at all.
those times u called me ' dear ' its jus for a calling , and its jus somethg that will make me happier.
and the kiss u gave me, is jus a broken hope u gave me.
the first time u holded my hand and say , u love me , its all a lie.
yup , its jus me myself and i...
only me , lying to myself that i had ur love. where i found that i dun really hav it from the beginning..
and now , although its only been 15 days . but my heart have already gone to u. but i think , ur heart , wasnt with me all along.
well. its a one-sided love all along ..
i try ways and means to tok 2 u . but all i got was a cold shoulder again and again.
till now i freezed lers..
although u dun really feel that my heart has been with u all along , but , its the truth that i really love u ... and i truly care for u as well.
i kept telling myself to hold on one last time, and i ever thought of telling you i wanna end it right here right now. but i din, cos i know , sure there's a day whereby u will hav the time to tok to me and love me back again.
the answer to every of my question was , busy busy and busy.
yup i know u are busy. and i know i cant meet u again.
everytime i asked if u are free anytime , but its a no reply..
how could i ever hav the time or a chance to even see you nor tok 2 u?.
its been so hurtful to my heart. now there's wound..
if i hav a wish , i wish that u would always be there for me , love me , care for me , hold me once last time again..
i am falling , like the falling leave ..
now , i am watching a show , and its a saddest part of all.
this couple , was happily tgh. and at last , they are walking in the streets tgh.. after flying to countries to help the poor , curing them from illness..
then this nite, they were holding hands, happily tgh walking along the streets. then suddenly , a pone call for the guy , so he said. ' one minute ' and girl says ' ok '
while toking , this guy , was walking while on the pone. and suddenly , his key dropped off from his pocket to the road , and so the girl went to pick it up . without notice of the guy , jus as she reached out for the key, she was banged down from behind. she bleed of course . and soon , the soul , went off her. this guy was so shocked upon seeing his gf lying helplessly on the ground , he told the caller to call an ambulance immediately , and ran straight to his girl , holded her , helped her breathe again by doing cpr on her. but yet , she was gone ....
if this situation happened to me , would u do the same?
i was so foolish thinking back why i cut those lines. and now what i've got was scars. its so ugly. and the worst thing is , the hurt got worst as well..
the first few days wen we were tgh .. u sent me sweet messages, even morning messages..
but now , sent 10 message to u , i only got back 2.. and sometimes not even one.
yup , i am irratating. i know it. and i am selfish , not understanding enff.
sometimes, wen i wanna say something , i really dare not say . cos i scare losing u. i really love u alot. but ...
do u feel the same as well? do u love me like i love you?
i smsed u everyday , cos i really care for u.. i wanna know how u hav been .. do u care for me as well?...
think , think again.. although i am irratating, but do u understand why i am so?
ur expectation for ur girl is, gentle ,soft spoken... but do u know ?.. i am rough , i talk loud. ask around , ask angeline. see how i am in school!
i scold vurglities. and upon hearing u dun like girls like this , i changed. i din scold so much since then.. ask around again..
see how i really was.
the feeling u give me now , was so cold then b4. ok , being busy is 1 thing. but ... like i said, no matter how busy u are, at least send a message telling me u are fine..
is sendin a message take u a long time?
if this is so. ok well.. suan le. dun msg me den...
if its really so wasteful of ur time jus by send me a message. then i really got nth to say..
sometimes , i really wish i never know u. cos if thats so, i wont get hurt lers.
hais.
i guess i was jus thinking too much..
some negative stuff..
hais..
could u jus spare me some time . so i can know what answer u will give?
i love u penguin. i hope u feel it....