sometimes , i really envy my mum.
she give up everythg to us.
example is , she use her money , whcih she intending to get her hair reborned but she say , my sis going need sch , so a grown up already . so i let her do instead.
and think back . wen we were still young , she give us all the fleshy parts of a chicken , and she ate the bone ..
and my father, worked very hard , dun wan us to suffer. wen we needed him , he sure is there to support.
for example , wen i broke off with justin that time , he smsed me a joke .and it made me smile.
and now , recently , had some more misunderstands with those pple. he also tried to help me.. i really am great and i thank god for giving me such a good gift.
this christmas , i hope i hav the time to celebrate with them.. (: i wan to make this xmas a great one.. (: best , memorable one !
jus now rosanne mama called me .. thn we chatted a lil. toking abt that freaky old place again
and tml we are going to find jobb!!
hehehes!
cos i know i cant stay long in that telemarketing place any longer ler..
no sales. no nothing..
but nvm .. now hav 1 pending. hope mr chua can get the sales for me .. its ok if its c1 . at least i got sales can ler. !
abt school , i am giving myself another 1 week . if everythg is still fine thn i will stay .
if its still like now , sorry to say byebye to this course.
although i relly love this couse and love to stay.. but with this kins environment , sad to say , i cant concentrate.. i jus cant..
i hope everythg will be fine soon
and my lovely wallet.. please come back to mama.. i really miss u.. and those things inside..i dun wanna lose it de. i am so sorry to lose u...and i am going to concelling session soon. getting myself one ..
cos if i dun go , soon i will get depression..
so , please pple, stop giving me stress... i need a rest.
a good rest..!
.
SUNSHINE AFTER RAIN .
My world my life
my 3 years wallet , 3 years poto. bank card and life long ic , all gone in jus a wink.
i dun remember clearly where i put my wallet after buying mac
and shuhui was there keep sayin about her trip at the chalet. and yah , we keep laughing and joking around..
thn wen i was back home , i realised my wallet was gone .
what happened to me ?
even such important stuff , i can jus lose it..
and those fucking bitch.. what do they really wan?
i wanna quit school already..
i cant stand it anymore..
i jus wanna sleep foreva..
i dun wanna see anyone anymore.
but if i quit , my future will be gone..
what am i to do?
ps : thanks mum and dad for accompany me go around the place to look for it ..
i love u all.
and really hope that person who found my wallet , please return back to me , its ok to take the money inside. i jus wan those stuff back and the wallet. money its ok... jus give me back my wallet ..
GOD *.. i need your assitant ..
My world my life
hais.. damn sian. i jus made a very stupid mistake , i wrote a nick , forgot to block xuelin from msn and i think she saw it and imagine if she onlines using school's comp. what do you think she will do? of cos is online lirhs and show it to those bitches!! fuk mans.. i am so damn stupid!!
and i am still bothered by those ah lians stuff los..
its like .. i din do anythg to them already .. and also tried to avoid them as much as possible already.. thn what else ou pple wan me to do?
quit school? or go commit sucide?
i dun understand .. out of no where u all wanna find trouble again.
what's wrong!
tell me lurhs..
why suddenly ask another outsider and join in jus to whack me?
whacking me is so fun?
i dun wanna be the number 2 pearlynn
u think i am that fuckin free to play with you kiddos?
u know what although i am kinda scared but , if out of a sudden u say u wanna whack me for no reason .. jus 3 numbers will do.. and dun think i dare not call..
luckily i hav mum to help me stress out a lil.
i dun wan my parents to worry abt me again..
i am so fucking childish isnt it?
whats wrong with the world today?
why is everythg so cropped up?
can i jus grad faster?
everyday fearing of having lunch alone..
and this bothers me and lead me not going school so often anymore..
i used to love sch so so much..
now its becoming more and more like a jail to me..
what shld i do?
i am so damn tired of life..
and tired of seeing pple like them .!
what can i do...
god please help me..
i really really dun wish this to go on anymore...!!!
My world my life
are u aware of the news of the five pple who died in the cambonia?
the five dragon-boat-ers.
i bought the NEWPAPER to know more about their news . i watch news to understand whats going on..
i felt sad as i read their story ..
my tears rolled down my cheeks ..
its really a waste that they just lost their life just like this ..
if they had life jackets on , they would me at least a chance more for them to be alive..
but its all too late , i really felt sad for the family and for them as well.
after i read the article , i told my mum ..
' ma , think shi jie muo re [ world is ending ] coming ler .. hais..'
why mus pple die?
REST IN PEACE , THE FIVE STRONG ONCES <3may god blessand i think , since its so , i cant die jus like tt , i mus live my life even better .
anyways..
read kor's chat log to that bitch .
it goes like this ,
the suddenly ask if my bro has a sister..
thn my bro din answer , but she keep forcing my bro to ans.
and so my bro say no..
ok..
today , it worte somethg , confidencial . thn suddenly she attitude to my bro saying ,
' do i hav to report you for everthg? '
thn my bro say no need lurhs..
thn she says bye . thn she says
' jus to let you know , your sis will be in trouble , i'll find her '
this really brings me a lil fear ..
and i cried again..
why isnt there any end to this stupid small matter?.
childish are childish..
dun understand why outsiders wanna join in the fun..
first is the frendster , now is a bitch looking out for me . and what's next ?
asking police to force me out of this country?
how lame can people be nowadays?
dun understand pple'e thinking already ..
i am so numb as to myself..
i dun understand myself as well.. i feel so tired of everythg..
why jus cant this matter drop?
when can i jus grad ?
can 8 more mnths pass faster?.........
My world my life
i really i was dead now ,
leaving all those unhappyness and this stupid complicated world.
i dun understand why i became like this today.
i notice the change in me ..
i feel nth at all now ..
i used to be a very look-upon- tml tat kinda person..
now , i jus hate wen day is gonna end ..
i hate my sch , i hate my school mates , i hate studying..
cos of u pple , i really hate all that i used to love alot.
my wish of getting into a good spa and work there , hav vanish..
i feel so reckless now , i feel nth to anythg anymore..
i feel so much like crying now ..
what happen to me lately?..
a super sudden mood swing..
what happen to my attitude as well?..
i used to love studying so so much ...
now i jus feel this course is so damn dead ..
in sch , i hav lunch alone . last time i used to hav it with so many pple ,
now i study alone , tok 2 myself ...
projects ? alone as well..
what am i suppose to do?...
i did the same old stupid thg again..
cut and more cuts ..
i feel so stress..
i wish i wont wake wen i sleep ...
die in my sleep...
its better thn lookin at thgs i dun wanna see..
can god jus bring me to his side?
i dun wanna live anymore...
this life is so such in a war... i dun wanna live my life this way..
i wanna change , i wanna leave this place ...
i tried to be happy , i tried to ignore thgs they did , i avoid listening to the thgs they say , but , whats the use?..
i am so tired of what i am now..
in such a state ...
from pri 5 , everythg jus changes..
my frends dun like me , getting into quarrels , getting parents to go down sch and tok 2 teachers and ask the kids to stop disturbing me , going home with tears ....
i am so sick of this life...
i wanna end it soon..
i wanna end everythg soon...
i dun wanan plak back those things again...
i jus wanna close my eyes , and nv wake..
i jus wanna die right now........
My world my life
finally gave back that freaky uniform to that freaky place..
those freaky pple with freaky attitude.
well today was jus a fun day afterall.
but sad thg is , shafawi kena sacked by the boss.
last week was yana , sheqyn and ifa.. left me all alone here.
will i be one of them in the black list as well?
but thanks mr lim for signing up the plan for me..
a last min subscription . i was freaking out wen he suddenly say he dun wan to sign up.
cos i was like kept toking to him for the whole afternoon..
thn heng got shuhui whom help me persude the customer to buy.. so gladful to her..
really lucky enff los. and also.. i pray hard that i get a sales again..
and i thank god for helpin me too!
went out with cathi , alvin and his gay frend .
jus for a while , but we had laugh , cheers and so on.
i din eat much today , was on a budget. hmmm
dun really like his frend , and also dun really like pple with tattoo and like , look so beng wen he's not.
not say i dun like him.. jus dun hav a good impression of him..
well although i like beng kias but he certainly not the type ba. hahas
i think too far ler. pls dun misunderstand..
sometimes i think back , ' am i the one whu made daddy and mummy suffer cos we closed down the shop? '
i think i was the reason whyy customer became fewer and fewer ...
wen i think back , my attitude really stinks like shit..
recently got quite sad over some stuff , keep tearin wen i think abt it .
jus now i even went to the toilet and cried.. db saw somethg was wrong with me , and asked me what happened. well i am ok.. jus that mayb i am jus too tired thinking abt stuff and cos of work ba..
db still am the one whu knows me the best!
i love dbdbdbdbdbdbdbdbdb!
jonathan jus sucks ok?
wishing him happy bday in advance he went offline after tt. cos i told him i might not see u online on ur bday so i wanna wish him in advance , he went offline..
and my msn nick now is , ' guys jus sucks .! especially YOU! . '
somehow i said i hate him .. but think and think , i still like him a lil..
jus a lil! tiny lil lil lil lil percent..
sometimes i think , my face expression jus like , not really true abt me..
wen i sun smile i look chao fierce..
hais.. and also jus now we went out with alvin and his frend , wen they abt to leave , they said bye . but i din even say bye to them back..
so attitude..
somehow i think i wont get a bf or even get married.
hahas.
now probs keep coming...
and i feel so much dead thn alive ..
i wish this is jus a dream .. wake me up pple!
i wanna leave this freakin place with freaky hard solve probs.!
i hope m face will become in better condition..
anyways jus called wenwei.. another attitude freaky guy..
asked if he can tok on pone , he said not now. ok.. nvm
thn he said sowie .. thn i say nvm..
then i say byebye , he jus put down pone.
what's this?
lols. nvm..
look ahead ! i hate u !
xmas is coming .!
cheers pple , CHEERS!
xD
My world my life
21.11.07
2356pm
if today i still with justin . its our 3rd aniversary.. so like huai nian lurhs.. so long liaos los..
and its ending in 3 mins time. time really pass so fast..
eh well. nvm since he got what he wants already .. and i haben .. so what keep thinking back?
lols! boringgg~
anyways.. today at work , so happy lurhs.. last min i got 1 sales! so happy! i keep praying to god today ..
' please please god , i need a sales.. jus 1 sales will be enff !! '
and yes! SHE* grant me !
i was like.. omg! yesh!
this customer is called mrs kong.
i contacted her since last fri and yday i tried to ask her again.. so i called her.. and she said she needs to ask her husband again.. so ok i said i call u back tml same time tml? she said ok..
but ... yday was a indian lady whu speck for me.. so i really mus thank her.. and also the one whu helped me , also a lady.. a chi lady.. ahas! see her mus thank them !
but i really mus pray for yana and sheqyn . i dun wan them to be kicked out ar!
jiayoujiayous!
lex was crazy again. saying wan go after me. how lame rite?
all see my pic. fall for my pic. its like.. excuse me! m pic is like sooooooooooo diff from how i look in reallife.. -.-
and wenwei too. 2 days no contact .. but well nvm field camp is u know lurhs. hahas!
and its like .. i soso miss him lurhs.. dunno why lurhs jus think that my luck has come back to me again? or isit its jus pong qiao? hahas well.. what eva it is.. i am glad that these pple are around wen i really need a helping hand (:
next thing..
today while i was on my way home .. from sch..
ok.. LAVANDER..
i saw samantha, one of justin's e gf.. lols. she was with her bf..
its like so qiao that ... i saw celester the one whu bullied me wen i was in sec 1. jus near my hus , while i was going to work los. she was like pretending not to see me lurhs.. she looked down at my shorts .. cos i was wearing a short shorts -.-''
whateva lurhs.. jus qiao that cos today me and justin ' supposely ' 3 years , i saw samantha..
was like shocked cos i was like day dreaming . thn saw her bf..
' oie , how come this guy like i see bf in frendster ar? .. ' thn i think again ' beside one also like weird weird de.. keep looking at me.. ' thn..
DING***
SAMANTHA
hahas... lame .!
well today really hen you yuan los
but daddy and mummy.
sowie i shouted at u jus now.. cos i tired ler.. thn i dun really feel like myself lurhs..
so sowie..!
tml got prac. dunno whu would partner me again.
i really hate prac now.. cos of them lurhs..
now lunch alone ler. prac also alone .. how to learn?
bcos of u pple , i am like tt today.
and stop puting everythg into my fault. cos u hav ur wrongs too..
dun ever put ur wrong to mine cos u are too shameful of ur doing m u push the blame on the others..
please growwww up! KIDDOS!
and also. i really hate to lend pple books.
i 6 days din go sch ler.. 6days u cant finish writting all those notes?..
or is it u lend it to those bbbbbbb..?
up to u ba.. jus dun DIRTY my book..
sometimes i think , why should i lend u my thgs wen u dun hav the responsibility to come to class and in the end u need pple's book to copy?
sometimes i really angry with myself cos ..
i treat u as my frend . yet , u treat me like ur maid..
well so be it ba..
u will hav ur chance to taste this as well..
jus wait ba..
i wont play with kiddos. and why should i entertain u by keep diao here diao there..
i dun care mans!
wahahhas!
nites
1212am
My world my life
nowadays i dun understand why pple jus change their attitude wen they are like... proud of somethg.
jus bcos they become so called ' famous ' they tend to look down on those whu aint that ' famous '
well.. today hav the public specking for the bl..
couch jay was so funny i jus couldnt help it but LAUGH!
hmm ok lurhs.. jus very cold inside los.
well after that , i went to bugis for my job training. but before that i smsed e saying i cant work for them ler and leaving toyrus.
thn he replied..
' one week notice '
u think u what ar? M so? big F?
i am soooooooooooooooo f about ur attitude , seeing ur face everytime , mus see ur mood , i rarely see u smile ok!
agrh.
but well.. i wont go back , and if u dun give my pay ..
HEHEHE!
ok.. during bl thingy , angeline was with me also.. and she told me ab
LY. angeline said she keep rolling eyes on me. its like.. i replied angeline..
' she diao me cos i pretty ma then she jealous so she not happy los '
wahahas! thn she was like . ' HA '
lols.. well think positively ma.. if i keep thinking at the wrong side of life , thn my life will be wrong.
lols!
and also that day i saw a poster saying ..
' jin tian gong zhuo bu nu li , ming tian nu li zhao gong zhuo '
meaning ,' if today you dun work hard , tml u work hard in finding job '
get what i mean?
lols.
well , failing or falling is a part and parcel of our life . so think it in a very positive way like ... making it as a joke or what to encourage urself and stand tall again.
i might not be a good girl in the past , but as i think back , i really hav to change this bad habit of think abt the ' impossible ' and also the ' not happening ' meaning i always think this will happen but then , it din . jus that i think too much liaos..
well. if she carry on diao-ing me . let it be , she is jus toooooooo jealous (:
i am unique aint i?
wahahs!
and also.. i really hope my face can be PIMPLE-FREE!!!!
hais..
stress lurhs..
well strive for work .. earn more money!
HIPPPPHIPPPP- HURRRRRRRRRRRYYYY.. ت
My world my life
4.11.07
4.47pm
so bored at home..! so i decided to blog . althought dun hav the feeling to..
hais.
somehow questions and thinking popped out of my head.
who dont wan to be love?
who dont wish to be love?
who dont wish to love someone?
this question keep popping out somehow..
yday during work , i feel so sad, kept thinking about him..
somehow i feel so stupid and regret.
why i acted that way and why my attitude doesnt change ever since justin left me..
i dont learnt. not a lil.. [ while typing , the him' onlines ]
so upset with myself..
[ he offline ]
- working sucks yday -
ok.. cut short..
wen closing.. pw came to work cos of her bb. she saw me and say
' jinwen , i wrote something for u u got see not? . u go exit and read. '
so i did.. and it wrote..
' JOAN ,please dun ask ur cashier to help u take big ticket for you . GET IT YOURSELF!! [ with two lines below the ' yourself ' ] '
and also the things she wrote there is about exit stuff. i am cashier but she asked me to do all those not my department thingys ..
thn i was like. what the...
shili was beside me also.. thn i ask her..
ok thn i saw pw walking pass the cashier. so i asked her to come . and i asked her what the ' yourself ' means.
she said staff there saw me asking the cashiers to help me do work. which i din at all.. i was like total fuck up with her.. ok , i said no, i didn.. thn she keep insisting i did. i said no again. thn she say , i dunno ar. go see cctv los...
thn i was like sayign to shi li. what the fuck los.. why she give me attitude again.. so fuck los..
thn i say .. ok los she wanna play rough thn i shall play with her..
thn i need to count down . so i went to tower. she wasnt in .. but a lil while more she came in..
thn i ignored her..ok.. cut short..
the last customer was kinda ma fan . and made me blur.. thn i was like.. shortage of money becos of this. thn i was like very stressed up liaos ma.. thn sl also very stressed up. i stress bcos i dunno really remember what the customer used to pay for her things.. thn i remembered.. she use visa. and cos there's promotion for members, i hav to deduct the amt of money from her previous pay , so it was 10 dollars. and how stupid i was, i gave the 10 dollars with CASH! and not deducting from her card.! omg..
thn pw was saying .. now i know why sl wan her to count down last, cos i problem ma..
lols! i keep thinking ar. why her bf will like her.. omg!
cant understand pple nowadays ! omg i so bad.!
aiyar.. since she really wan it this way , dun say i bad ler..
((:
My world my life
