- nowaday's prob abt me and the others -
hais..
sometimes jus dun understand what pple are thinking.
today they may treat u nice , tml , nasty.
what's wrong?. jus bcos i dun look as good as u ?
or smell as nice as u?
ya. i know my prob , attitude , negative thinking , and .. tok without even thinking..
words may hurt others , and urself..
agree?. some words might seems to be a joke to u . some may jus hurt pple around , without u knowing it.
thats what i so called discover and made by mistake.
now m and l are both unhappy with me. and i knew it..
soon , the whole group will hate me , curse me and make a shit out of m life.
ok.. let me explain this by sayin what really happen..
✖pls dun fall asleep (:✖
- happenings -
ok. first thg first.. on the day of chalet itself, i was like askin l a question , first , she din answer, thn i asked again , no answer again. so i gave up . thn wen i see both she and j wasnt tokin, i ask again with a louder voice. thn she ans me.. from there i understand 1 thg , somethg was really wrong..
ok . so i said nth . i acted like nth happened also.. thn we reached the chalet. i mean inside. we were sitting ouside , at the bbq area. thn we saw miss soh. so we chatted. and i smsed angeline whu was inside the roon den . asked her out.. she came out of cos.. thn she went towards l they all. instead of saying hi to me , she treated me like invincible. so i was ok.. nvm...thn she brought them to the room.. without asking me along.. only sharon asked me in.. ok. this was fine. but miss soh saw me sitting at a corner alone, she came to me , asked me what happened.. i wasnt wanted to cry at first .. but wen she looked into my eyes , knowing that i wasnt fine , actaully she knows everythg jus by lookin at my eyes. she says , my eyes cant lie. so i started to cry.. i know it may seems childish. but from pri sch , i dun hav the fate to hav frends. cos of my attitude. or jus that i jus dun hab the fate los.. hmmm. * ahem * so i told her everythg , she really tok sense into me los.. but i cant help but cry lurhs.. thn she gave me 2 piece of tissue to wipe my tears , not wantin me to let them see that i cried. oh ya . and also a nugg to cheer me up. ok.. so.. they came back to the pit. thn this time , angeline saw me.. thn said hi , thn tok 2 me, was glad lurhs.. hmm thn the malay girls in my class arrived, bring the food in so that we can cook and eat ler.. thank god .. but i din eat much also.. cos i was kinda emo .
- cooking time -
ok. so i helped to cook los.. ok first i was wantin to help miss soh cook de. so i took the tong? lols dunno how to spell. hmm thn bbq the chickenwings los.. thn m2 came an jus say she wanna help out also , jus grap m tong los.. thn i was like .. ' what the '.... but well nvm.. so i went to take a plate and like fan so it get cooked faster ma.. so i fan los..
whu knows, the say very smokey.. ok.. first thg first.. they asked me to fan de. now the say smokey.. so nvm also..
ok i stop fanning awhile , now i fan again .. thn not to their direction.. thn m2 scold me ' jinwen , dun fan liaos lurhs.. told u smoke liaos.. u wan u fan urself .... ' ok this really made me mad.. so i decided to leave earlier. kinda du lan also liaos.. ok.. so i told miss soh i leaving .. she asked .. ' why ' .
I ' cos tml working '
MS ' orh ok . u wait awhile i also leaving at 7 plus, need to fetch my daughter for tution '
I ' orhs '
so i helped out again . m2 went to eat , so i took over . cos only angeline cooking it ma.. so help los.. but ar.. tell u , it was really fun lurhs. jus tink she is a great leader with good knowledge. everythg also know.. she even got praised by sessionhead and other teachers that her skilss of cookin was good. hahas. good ma like that. well. time pass.. i hav to go. so i said goodbye to everyone , BUT! before i go , i ate 4 nuggs . hahas.. was kinda hungry lurhs.. so ate somethg b4 i go los..
- leaving the chalet -
on the way back , miss soh told me alot of thgs.. first thg is the unhappiness abt the other teachers.. - i wont say it here. as i promised her not to lers - and also , the main purpose of opening a chalet. - farewell for miss ng - kinda miss her now.. though i dun really like her lurhs..
hmmm.. was ver shockin upon hearing this news.. miss soh was kind enff to ask her husband to drive me to the nearest mrt station to take the train home and not wanting me to take bus alone as its kinda late and dangerous alone. i really thank god i have her as my ' GUARDIAN ANGEL ' really. someone whu u can relie on wen u needed , a listening ear and a helping hand. she's always there for me.. although she is my teacher. but to her , we are her kids. ((: hmm ok.. so i waved goodbye to them and went home.
- on the way on train -
on my way home. angel called me.. askin me why i left so early . so i told her los..
and scolded her why she came so late . she was the one whu asked me go de. .now she late herself.. so damn idoit hor? lols. but nvm lurhs.. at least now i get to see her in sch. am very glad to see her coming to sch , attendin every lesson now.. ((: ok thn i recieved a call from my ex. not that fcuking jon lurhs.. hmm thn tok abt job again... keep askin him join us. thn keep like wait wait wait.. pls , i dun hav the whole day for u lurh.. till the day wen u wan the job , pple dun wan hire ler thn blame me.. hais.. dunno what's wrong wif pple nowadays also lurhs..
- wed, yday and today's happenings -
lets tok abt wed first. ok! it was my first day of sch , din go sch on mon , too tired . tue , day off. so wed . the atmosphere was fine .. but somehow , still somethg wrong somewhere . i came to class first . cos i din wanna be late for lesson as i reached sch at 850 amm , thn tie m hair finish , 901 . thn i was like . OMG! runnnnn.. thn i open the door , i saw the teacher , not same , din see b4 , i said sowie , i walked out .. thn my chairman , shouted ' JINWENNNNNNNN! ' thn i was like , looking outside , ' whu call me sia ' . thn i turn back into the class room , PAI SEH LURHS! hahahas. can u imagine that? lols..
ok.. thn settle down . 10 mins later thn they came . but i was sitting infront . with shuting and sharon. we joked los.. thn i turned behind , looked at l thn i put a sign of like ' gonna kill u alive ' ok this action goes ... ok . show me a good sign.. thumbs up lurhs! ok thn i like place at my neck there . move it slowly from left to rite.. got it ma? thn she was like .. abnormal.. she jus smile so faked de smile.. thn i know .. this is really wrong....! ok nvm nvm.. so we went for next lesson . bodaymassage theory.. i jus sat beside angeline , veryyyyyy quiet.. ok. wen u realise , a very noisy person , suddenly becomes sooooo quiet , the first thg that u will think of is? .. ' rainning soon ' or ' omg , sun is gonna rise from the east! ' or even ' pig's gonna hav wings and fly free like birds ' wth... ok.. carry on. * ahem * angeline din tok 2 me either.. ok. l and j came sch on mon . and they hav got notes on some of the points . know what?.. she lent to angeline , and not me . wen i look at angeline's book , she stared at me . i mean j. ok nvmnvm... i dun wan it either.. k let this matter rest.
thn after sch , we went to eat. i was quiet also.. thn they say they wanna go tampines mall. but i din wanna go lurhs.. they din ask me to go also.. nono should say , they din tok to me also.. ok. skip this.. important point.. ok going to take bus... i pei angeline take 31 to the tanah merah mrt there. thn she recall that sharon wanted to take to bugis. but she already left.. so i run towards the overhead bridge . thn shouted ' sharon , u wan take here de bus ma? i going take green line also.. ' thn she was like thinking , thn m2 jiu like psyco her , ' dun wan lurhs.. come come . pei us better ' thn i was like thinking ' STFU can?! TMD ' ok .. i din say lurhs.. thn in the end, sharon kena her psyco los.. go with them .. thn i was like felt quite weird liaos.. thn i asked angeline , she said i think too much.. ok i did think too much.. but still thinking that somethg is sure wrong here. i think that she knew what's going on , jus that she dun wanna tell me.. and reading my previous post , i quarreled with my damn farking ex. thn i was sad ler. so i din think too much abt the frends thingy also.. instead . stress of my farking ex . so i asked rosanne to read my post . she gave her comment abt me ..
ROSANNE : impatient , always want ans immediately .
ANGELINE : attitude , temper
EELIN : grumblin abt others wy they not happy with me
JIEJIE : saying me shouting at her on that day we went to harbourfront. cos i was stress up with both parties that , m2's bf was very anti social and that the others cant stand it . and somemore arranged to hav dinner tgh . and scared things may turn out bad, quarrel in short. thn i was like . i asked her where she was , she say reaching , 20 mins later , ' where are u? ' reaching ler.! thn i say ' faster can not? ' thn she tot i was shouting at her..
SHARON : nth , jus that she thinks i need time to change
L and M2 : attitude , the way i tok , dun think b4 i tok , hurt pple's feelings , no respect .
MISS SOH : u are a sweet , helpful and caring girl , jus that sometimes wen u tok , u intent to hurt pple without u even noticing it. mayb a change might be good , and be more matured. think positively! jus do as what i say , sure u will be better.
FCUKIN JON : i think u should change ur attitude , getting bad to worst
ok.. no respect , i dun agree. cos i am elder thn them , they should respct me . ok respect has 2 kinds.. respect becos i am elder and also respect each other's so called rites. meaning no shooting to the heart. i also dunno lurhs.. ok. so thats my weak point los...
what do u think abt my attitude?. leave me a tag ok! *** continue with thurs and fri soon (: .. ***
My world my life
- relationship and friendship issue -
it seems like , i dun hav the courage , the will and the strength to hold on any longer.
firstly , jon. well. i smsed him askin if we could get back tgh again.. nono.. i asked it this way..
' sowie to distur you again , only wanna ask a final question . do u think we still hav the chance? '
his reply was , ' why ask this silly girl? '
thn i replied ' no lurhs jus asking '
J ' oh , but i dun get what u mean leis. '
Mi ' isnt it clear enough ? '
J' oh , dun i dun understand leis. '
Mi ' oh thn nvm los. '
J ' oh ok . so how's sch today ? '
Mi ' hai hao lo '
J ' oh then taken lunch? '
Mi ' yup taken ler . you? '
J ' ya taken ler '
Mi ' then ok ba. about the previous message , i mean that i still like you and that i hope that we could be tgh again. tc ba '
after which , no reply from him .. till now.
but despite that , i smsed him 2 more .. look ahead.
' thn i ask another question . isit possible? '
no reply .
' suan le . dun wan to sms u nor i wanna see ur msg anymore ler. thanks '
thats all for now..
think this is clear enff to end our so called ' frendship ' as well ba.
i really buay tahab this kinda guys . u know why?. cos they dun even hav the courage to tell pple how the really feel. yup.. it might be mysterious to you. but to me .. its such a shi bai thing . cos. they are only tao bi from what they are doing. jus cant u tell the truth that u still like him or her. why do i hav those courage to tell u and not getting shy or what so ever? i know this is ur chara . but , those pple around u , might feel fustrated with u . u dunno it urself. so now i am tellin u . u can say i am stupid and childish to post this here and let everyone know what u are. but please. wake up! . i am not gonna wait. and dun think i cant live without you . and u know what , i will live my life better without you.
yes. A ask me to jus be patience and jus wait and see. but sowie . i waited too long . and i dun wanna continue getting so foolish and look like a fool.
suddenly THEIR attitude towards me is like . shit . i dunno what happened btwn them i mean , they might spout somethg behind my back and its like.. yup. i am so called a brainless person , i tok without even going through my head.. hahas. its like. so be it ba. since u all dun wanna look at me , tok 2 me or joke with me , its fine . this semester i mus do better thn u . i know it might be difficult. but i am sure i can do it. its kinda disappointing wen x result was better thn mine. and yes. was kinda angry with myself as pple whu din really study , did better thn me. bcos i studied like hell , and yet i got lower thn them . its like a knife stab in me. i dunno why suddenly i feel this way and also why they are treating me like a stranger now. i dunno why. ever since the chalet . i felt that , the bond , the string , about to broken. well . i mus do really well now. i mus do even better thn before. dun think cos ur results are better u can lead the way . look out . cos i will lead the way better thn u do. jus u wait ba. and yes. this post is to vent my anger to . so dun mind ar.!
and yes, he suddenly replied.
' what's wrong with you ? why u nv change ? cant u give me time to think? '
but i din reply.
all i hav to say is .
yes. nv will i change , why change for a person who he dun even care? what if i changed? would u treat me diff? i din change? what abt u? did u? did u change the way of expressing urself and the way u care for pple ? . no! time to think. haven i gave u enff time to even think? today suppose to be second month stupid enff to keep remembering this number. ya.. now i give u time to think . u hav the whole world's time to think . happy thinking then. no matter what.. i will nv sms u again so dun bother to even text me. thanks!
-----
5pm++
i was asleep . and wen i woke cos of the cold outside , i saw my message with two new message . by him. wasnt concerned msg . but raged message.
1st msg..
' i tot u hav changed. but ever since ur last msg ,i know u haven change . dun wan reply rite? fine..'
2nd msg..
' take a look at your last message i sent me . dun give me attitude '
sometimes my words can be harsh , but its becos of anger, jus why he cant understand?.
next ting i did was of cos reply..
' i admit i din change.. but i din give attitude. jus telling you sometimes its very fed up wen one cant read one's mind. its not about attitude , its abt patience .since that day wen u say u still like me i tot we have chance but , its only my wishful thinking. '
J replied :
' oh now my fault is it? i work already very tired and somemore get myself injured . u only think for yourself . give me attitude still wan argue .. well done '
i replied :
' no i din say its ur fault dun misunderstand can? its that sometimes you do somethg i really dun understand thats y i think negatively then lead to this '
J replied :
' but do u need to give me this attitude? '
i replied :
1 -' no. becos i was angry too thats why i nv think le jiu say.'
2- ' dun angry le lurhs. sowie for those words . you should understand how i felt too ba. reply me wen u ok le k . '
J replied :
' u should change ur attitude... getting from bad to worst... '
somehow i think i dint do anythg wrong. i dun understand what's going in his mind.. i kena scold for nothing. think its very shuang?. its so hurting.. i really think he isnt worth my heart... and think. he wasnt the one for me as well....
My world my life
161o07
1218pm
- relationship issue again -
keep waiting for my pone to ring today . wishing he would at least send me a message.
guess i jus hoping for a false hope ba. hahas. think back , how stupid i was to keep waiting.
he knew i am still waiting for him. few days back , in msn he told me he still likes me. and kept aplogizing about the way he treated me in the past . i felt so warm suddenly. but i think , its all a lie.if he really cares and sowie abt what he did in the past , he wouldnt hav treated me again this time. thinkin that he would come back?. no way ba. i can tell no one abt my prob. cos no one wil care. its my prob afterall. even if someone would listen to me , they will say i am stupid and ask me to give it up. only one person will ask me to wait, angeline.
i dunno what the decision is. i wan to wait . but sometimes it see,s like i am waiting for the sun to rise from the west. and till pigs will fly. its like , he said he still likes me . but why no actions at all?
if u care abt someone and am sowie that he did wrong in the past , will u repeat it again?.
sometimes i tried to accept someone else. but its like , i am jus lying my love to him. and in the end , i failed a relation again. tell me what to do . should i wait for you or should we jus go our way? i really wish u could tell me what u are feeling now. i know i shouldnt disturb u that u are injured now. u know , how i really wan to take care of u . i wish to visit u and take kare of u . but seems so far away.. i am totally lost.
jus hope *S* will help me through . i really need help. B.Y.S~!
- school reopen -
well yday was the first day of sch . but i din go los . bleahs.~ cos too tired.
worked till late the day before los.
thn its like . i wanna sleep more cos dun hav the chance to sleep till so late anymore liaos. hahas.
hmmm... well luckil we've got another day off today. dunno what the reason also .. jus glad that i can sleep more again.. hahas.
tell u pple , i am getting plumber liaos. omg. keep eating at the wrong time. example? SUPPER!
omg. i keep eating mac since i work in toyrus. cos nth to eat liaos.. food court de food like. so ex and so little and its like nothing special to eat also.. hahs. so decided to hav student meal los. the pple there see me everyday also sian liaos. but no choice lurhs.. what to do.? i wan to support u all ma. if not u all close down le thn i eat what? hahas. broken english . soot! anyways was kinda sad wen i heard that my result was worst thn pple whu din really study for the test. hais.. what am i to do.? why suddenly i become so lousy? isit bcos of u or isit i din really put my heart in it? . i cant fail.. i cant break the promise that i said to my parents. and the hope of becoming a better person. i really mus work hard now. but hais.. i dun wan body massage liaos.. i wan make-up. its like miss soh say i cnnt make it if i choose that de. and i am like scared i would injured myself . cos mummy say bm will make u weak cos u need alot of strength to it. how?
i am getting so fustrated with so many thgs around me and i am the one whu think too much. i hate this feeling.
- the work issue -
these few days i look into the mirror. and realised..
I BECOMING PLUMBER LIAOS.!
and yes, getting older in looks liaos. many pimples popping out. hais..
SIANS!
omg. think is all those powerful chocolates and supper ba. hahas.
die ler lurhs.. i wanna go diet ..
yar . workin is tough. but fun is the most important thg los. (:
anyways today jiu shi 2 week working there liaos.. hmmm i mean counting the days where i din work also lurhs. hahs. hmmm the pple there treating me better liaos. so dun hab to worry. i am fine. and when can i get my pay?.
now m parents am meeting a critical prob liaos. so i really hav to help. althought cant help much , but i will try and do somethg good to help them so they wont get so stressed up. especially my dad.
and my bro? . hahs. idoit de lurhs.. i dun wish to say further.. go find out urself.
jus telling everyone that , sowie if i cant go out with u or somethg cos i really hav lots of prob to solve. and i cant stand aside and let my parents suffer isnt it? hope u all understand.
though i am still smiling like how i am before , look inside me , ask my questions , care for me . tahts all. u dun hav to buy a rose to make me happy , jus a few words of care is enff.
one of my sweetie pie . can see a smiley ?
My world my life
o31o07
1656pm
well. finally i found a job.. and yes. yday was the first day of work.
well its fun lurhs.. jus that the seniors like.. hmmm.. kinda not happy with the newbies.
even the newbies like hmmm... nvmm..
think i think too much ler lurhs.. hahas.
but sometimes i think , my face like .. hais.. CMI!
jus that thats *123* is like hmmm attitude me los..
jus found that seniors are fierce lurhs...!!!
well . there's so much to learn los.. i am cashier .. same as jiejie and mum. hahas. but lunch not provided.
so had a lonely lunch yday los.. but well nvm lurhs at least angeline working there. so i went to find her los..
aika was the most friendly de. she guide us thoughout los.. cos we still like blur sotong los..
and one supervisor ar.. aiyo damn fierce lurhs..
but nvm lurhs.. time will * bleahs * - speechless
hais.. and yes.. i wont msg u anymore . even if i see u online . i wont tok 2 u.. rest assure.
i am damn pissed being called a freak already..
hope one day i will hav the same shift with jiejie and mum tgh.. there will be so much fun isnt it? haha.
well.. thinking what i will be wearing tml .. hmmm..
morning shift ok! sians!
anywyas.. dun ever wanna do night shift again ! mop , sweep ... whateva! lols!
kks.. wish me luck.
whu can wake me up?!?
at 5am?
hahas.
lame~
My world my life
